You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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