just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
