I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
