explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
