I heard we made out
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
