I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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