Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
