I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
