you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
