"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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