can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize