and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
