and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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