Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
