what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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