I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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