I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
