No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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