I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
