What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
