i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
