They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize