First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
