Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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