i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
