i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
