I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
