DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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