One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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