Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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