Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
