Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
