My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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