Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
