your thong is hanging out like whoa
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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