Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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