I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
