im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
