Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
