I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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