I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
