and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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