Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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