dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize