You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i came on her dog
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm like, not good at living.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
