we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
