I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
