My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
