no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
