well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
