Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
