If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
