I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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