youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
