The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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