fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize