I could make wine with my vomit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
