absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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