it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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