Ambien. No doubt about it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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