Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
