I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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