i permit you to call me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
