The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
