We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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