someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
