I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
