dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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